7 Steps to Prove That You Are Listening

Source: http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130405161502-36052017-7-steps-to-prove-that-you-are-listening?trk=mp-details-rr-rmpost

I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care." – Anonymous

Listening is not enough. In business settings or personal relationships, you must convince your counterpart you are listening. No matter how much attention you are paying, if she doesn’t feel heard, your efforts will be in vain.
Listening is far more than capturing information. Listening demonstrates curiosity, respect and care. It establishes a constructive environment where you can address the issue together. That is, if you can show each other that you are really listening.
Here are 7+1 steps to not only listen, but to prove to your counterpart that you are truly listening:

0. Listen. Unless you really listen, you are lying.

Are you really curious? Do you have space inside your mind for your counterpart’s perspective? Unless you hold your view lightly, listening to the other will feel like a waste of time. Why bother? You already know!

1. Focus. Look at her. Don´t do anything else.

Have you ever talked to someone who is on his phone, emailing at the same time? “Go on, I’m listening,” he’ll say. But that just doesn't cut it. And how do you feel when your counterpart repeats everything and grins, “Told you. I am listening!" in a snarky tone?

2. Be quiet. Let her finish. Don’t interrupt.

I regularly coach executives who want to “learn how to listen.” “That is easy,” I reassure them. “Shut up!” I respond to their puzzled look with, “You know how to listen. The real question is why you choose to interrupt and not listen.”

3. Encourage. Nod. Say “Mhmm.” Paraphrase.

If you are quiet and keep a poker face, she won´t know if you are with her. Quietly nodding or paraphrasing encourages her to present her views fully. Your silent attention creates a vacuum that she will fill up with meaning.

4. Summarize. Play back her essential point.

Attributing the summary to the other will allow you to accept her perspective, even if you don´t agree with it. When you say, “I understand that you prefer that we change priorities,” you are not agreeing that it would be best to change priorities.

5. Check. Ask her if you got her point, and let her correct you.

You may have not gotten the gist of her argument. Perhaps you misunderstood, or perhaps she misstated it. Either way, by checking you give her a chance to sharpen or expand her thoughts.

6. Validate. Acknowledge she has a point.

Being human is being rational. Telling her that you understand why she sees things the way she does shows respect for her intelligence. If you don´t understand, avoid blaming her, “You are not making sense.” Try instead, “I know that you have an important point, but I don´t get it yet. Can you help me?”

7. Inquire. Ask her what she would like from you.

You can’t read her mind, so you don't know what she wants. If you assume you do, it's hit and miss, mostly miss. There are a myriad reasons to engage in conversation; you are on much safer ground if you ask her.
These steps are simple, not easy. They require conscious effort, especially when stakes are high. They also require discipline. Blurting out your view is as gratifying as it is self-defeating. You will never convince anybody that you know unless you first convince her that you care.

Empty your cup

I'd like to finish with a Zen story that relates to listening:

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.
Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.
The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”
“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Cheer UP.......!!!

Source:http://www.healthmoneysuccess.com/206/story-of-a-butterfly/


“Child of mine, I will never do for you that which I know that you can do it for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, powerful, effective creator that you have come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheer leading section. But I will not do as which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me, ask. I’m always here to compliment and assist. I am here to encourage your growth, not to justify my experience through you.”
                                                        Abraham Hicks

9 Qualities Of Truly Confident People

Source: http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130606150641-658789-9-qualities-of-truly-confident-people


First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.
Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.
I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I've met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.
It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:


1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.
Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.
Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.
Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.
Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.
2. They listen ten times more than they speak.
Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.
So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.
3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.
Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.
Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.
They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.
So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.
4. They freely ask for help.
Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.
Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.
5. They think, “Why not me?”
Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered.
Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.
And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
6. They don't put down other people.
Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.
The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.
7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…
Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your best.
(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not less.)
8. … And they own their mistakes.
Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.
That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter – for others and for themselves.
When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.They laugh with you.
9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.
You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.
But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.
When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.

8 Ways To Develop Persistence

Source: http://www.ryanwhiteside.com/develop-persistence.html




One of the greatest keys to success is persistence. So many people quit in this world moments away from when they would achieve a breakthrough.
You may not realize it, but I bet this has happened to you at least once in your life. You were probably so close to accomplishing what you set out to do, but fell short because you quit at the last moment.
The best story of persistence that I know comes from Thomas Edison. He failed over a thousand times before finally perfecting the light bulb.
Having the persistence to go after what you truly desire can get you many of the things that, up to this point, have only dreamed of.
The following is eight ways that you can build up your persistence. Read this list. And remember these ideas the next time you find yourself giving up on a goal that you really want to achieve…

1. Knowing What You Want

It’s pretty simple. If you don’t know what it is you want, there is no reason to read the rest of this page. Come back at a later time when this article will be of more use to you.
To have anything great in this world, you must know exactly what it is you want.
Perhaps you want to be the CEO of your company. If that is the case, don’t let a day go by where you aren’t constantly thinking about becoming the CEO.
If you want a million dollars, picture in your mind you checking your bank account and seeing one million dollars.
If you aren’t sure what you want most, the time to start deciding is right now! Search for as long as you need to until you find exactly what it is that you most want in life.
Spend the next few days, weeks, and even months if you have to. Because…
You can’t get anywhere great in life unless you know where you are going.

Know what it is you want. Because if you are aiming at the right goal, you will have plenty of persistence. Especially if you combine that with…

2. Having A Burning Desire

Make sure that you have a goal that you want really badly. It has to be something that you would absolutely destroy everything in your path to achieve!
If you have something that is that meaningful to you, it will be very easy for you to be persistent.
Think hard. I’m sure there is something out there that you want really badly. Whatever it may be, the more desire you have, the more you will stick with it when the going gets tough.

3. Believe In Your Own Abilities

Fear is the ultimate killer of persistence. To avoid fear, you must have confidence in yourself and your abilities.
After all, if you aren’t confident in yourself, nobody else will!
I have to admit, I have struggled with confidence in myself over the years. Especially when it came to starting this site. Here are just a few things that constantly went through my mind when I first started this site…

• there are better writers than me out there
• they are much smarter
• I will never have the time to make it work

It was hard for me to get going until I realized this…
The only limitations you have are the one’s that you put on yourself.

I figured out that none of these things were really true. I had and always will have the ability if I set my mind to it. I can get past any competitors I may have by simply outworking them.

If you get stuck in having a negative mindset, ask yourself this, “Maybe these thoughts aren’t true. Maybe I do have what it takes.”

I promise that if you put enough time and effort into anything, you will be able to do anything that your heart desires. Have confidence in yourself. And your persistence level will go way up!

4. Having Organized Plans

This is a very underrated part of persistence. If you want to have the ability to stick with a goal, you must have at least a basic outline of how you are going to get there.
When you get side-tracked, reevaluating your plans can help get you back and headed in the right direction.
If you haven’t yet, take a look at the biggest goal you want to achieve. What steps do you plan on taking to get you there? What mini-goals do you have to achieve that will help guide you to your ultimate goal?
The more organized you are in your plans, the more confidence you will have in them. Speaking of which…

5. Confidence In Your Plans

What is the point of having detailed plans to reach your goal if you don’t think those plans will work?
If there is even a 1% doubt in your mind that your plans won’t work, modify them until you have complete confidence.
This happened to me with one of my previous sites. I had a plan of writing one new page every single day. Now, this might sound good and all but it didn’t work out. Here’s why…
I figured out that my writing was getting worse and worse because all I was doing was writing as quickly as possible so I could finish a page and be done for the day. I realized I needed to modify my plans.
So instead, I had a goal of writing 1000 words per day. This took the pressure off from having to complete a page. If it was a long article, I could finish it the next day if I had reached my word limit.
The articles I was producing started to be much better and my site began to receive much more traffic.
I’m asking you to constantly look at and update your plans if you feel the need to. Your persistence will absolutely crumble if you have any lack of confidence in your plans.

6. Help From Others

Once again, another overlooked factor in persistence. Sometimes you need a confidence boost from others. Whether it be someone you look to for advice. Or perhaps you just need someone to listen.
Don’t try to get through everything on your own.
This site is filled with confidence boosters if you need it. But don’t stop there. Having people in your life that you can turn to for advice is incredibly important. Especially if it is someone who has been in a similar situation as you and came out on top.
Have conversations with people that are higher up in your company. They probably went through very similar situations that you are going through right now.
Persistence is something that you must fight with sometimes. And having a mentor and help from others can help you with that fight.

7. Willpower

Sometimes you need help from others. And sometimes you just need to suck it up and get through it!
Willpower is something that I struggle with everyday. You must have somewhere to turn to for constant inspiration. For me, I can always turn to my journal.
My journal is filled with motivating stuff that I have picked up from hundreds of books that I have read. All I need to do is read a few pages and my batteries instantly start to get recharged.
I recommend that you carry around with you at least a page or two of quotes or thoughts that you find inspiring. If you get down about something, you can pull out this sheet of paper and re-energize yourself.
If you need a place to start, try going to Google and typing in “jim rohn quotes.” Quite frankly, nobody explains things as well as Jim does. You might even want to pick up his Treasury Of Quotes at Amazon. It’s worth every penny!

8. Improve Your Habits

Ahh, of course. I had to throw in one of my favorite things to talk about. It is so valuable…
Getting into good daily habits makes becoming persistent almost automatic!
Take a good hard look at what you do everyday. Start eliminating some of the bad things you find yourself doing every day. The things which waste your time and make your days less useful.
Start adding things to your day that will help you reach your goals faster. Think about it this way…
If you do twice as much work as you are currently doing now, you will reach your goals twice as quickly.

Think about that the next time you are thinking about your big goals. If you want to achieve them quicker, start doing twice as much.

It’s really not that hard to work hard once you get in the habit of doing so. When it’s habit, you won’t think twice about doing some of the things that you dread doing now.

If you want lifelong persistence, practice these eight things and you will travel on a straight path toward reaching your goals