Source: http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131001013540-6200057-4-ways-to-make-your-networking-more-meaningful?trk=mta-lnk
A few years ago, I met a fascinating pair of people. One was a fundraiser for charities, the other a philanthropist. Together Jennifer McCrea and Jeffrey Walker were working to change how we think about asking people to support a cause. When they make an “ask,” they don’t focus on what they are trying to get. They focus on what they are trying to give. It’s not about taking money – it’s about giving people the chance to change the world and make their lives rich with meaning. By being in a giving, generous state of mind themselves, they inspire that quality in others.
They don’t look at people through the lens of transactions. They approach them as partners. I learned a lot from those two.
Jennifer and Jeff just wrote a book on this topic – The Generosity Network – and while the book focuses on the fundraising profession, much of the advice holds true for any workplace relationships. We would all be more successful if we looked at networking as a way to connect rather than a way to extract value. When we focus on relationships rather than a limited quid pro quo, bigger and better things happen. That in turn is good for life – and good for business.
In the spirit of sharing generously, here are Jennifer and Jeff’s four tips on making your networking more meaningful. Next time you reach out to someone – or go to a professional event – try this approach. Rather than anxiously trying to make an impression, let others make an impression on you. Give your attention rather than trying to attract attention. You will connect in a more meaningful way.
1. Never start a conversation with “What do you do?” As a resident of Washington, DC, I can tell you this is the first phrase out of most people’s lips. Unfortunately, it creates barriers. As the book explains, “This forces us to put each other in a box whose dimensions are limited by perceived social ranking and occupational status.”
2. Instead, ask a “connecting” question. I often ask people about their favorite sessions at a conference or what inspires them. The book gives the example of attending an education conference. Don’t ask, “What do you do?” Ask, “What was your favorite subject at school?” Anything to avoid mini-resumes and to start a deeper conversation.
3. Always ask “Why?” If someone mentions what they’ve studied or what they like to read or what is their favorite pastime, “Why?” is a great follow up. “Why” questions invite openness and self-reflection. They also refreshingly rare. When is the last time someone seemed interested enough to ask you that question?
4. Be mindful. That means coming to every situation with a spirit of discovery. Instead of judging and falling back on preconceptions, try to perceive and connect with those around you. As the book puts it: “You never know what you may learn – or from whom. But it won’t happen unless you allow it to happen.” Some of my best conversations in life were with people I didn’t think I wanted to know – a stranger on a plane or a chatterbox in line behind me. Great things happen when you listen.
Thanks to Jennifer and Jeff for reminding me that it’s more fulfilling to connect than to transact and extract. People aren’t ATMs. They are companions. Treat them as such for true rewards.
